The Most Dangerous Po/Transcript
Written here is the full transcript of the episode "The Most Dangerous Po" from the television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks. Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, Gene Grillo. Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by action=history}} contributors of this article. __TOC__ Act 1 episode opens with Temutai running in fear inside a bamboo forest. As he finds his way out, he activates a bamboo spike trap, which he barely climbs out of. He then stumbles upon a tripwire and runs as arrows from above conveniently land behind him. A few seconds later, he is caught by surprise as a snare trap finally catches him. Temutai: Why is this happening?! scene suddenly cuts to a close-up shot of Mantis on top of a wooden table. Mantis: Ha! Got ya! camera suddenly zooms out to show Viper, Mantis, Crane, and Monkey playing a game of Mahjong on the dining hall table. Everyone except Mantis appears to be bored. Monkey: Auuuugh… this game is more boring than my Auntie Chu’s acupuncture stories! responds with a silent giggle, covering her mouth with her tail. Why does it have to be so slow around here? Crane: Because there hasn’t been any villains sighted in weeks. camera slightly zooms out then turns around to show Tigress leaning with her back against the left wall of the entrance. Tigress: Well, I don’t like it. I wish something would happen. Anything. zips by and leans with his shoulder against the right wall of the entrance. Tigress ignores Po as he wags a piece of paper while looking at her. The camera then turns around again to show the four Mahjong players in the background and Po in the foreground, waving the piece of paper like a fan. The Furious Five are aware that Po wants them to ask him about the piece of paper. Crane: curiosity Po, what’s going on? Po: a smug attitude Not much. Except that this was delivered this morning by a special messenger to yours truly. camera focuses in on Po’s paw placing the piece of paper on the table and moving it towards Crane’s direction. The paper has a brownish-yellow color, rigid red spirals all over the edges, a Chinese character in a circle on the top drawn with black ink, and an outline of General Tsin on the bottom. Crane: he reads the following message from the piece of paper, his tone increasingly expresses genuine surprise. The esteemed General Tsin requests a private audience with the Dragon Warrior at his country estate! Po: quickly takes back the piece of paper – his invitation. My hero! Mantis: Wow, the legendary General Tsin wants to see Po? Tigress: disbelief What?! Po: Smug Jealous? Tigress: away from Po in denial I don’t get jealous. Monkey: puts his hand near his mouth to appear discreet, but his voice is loud enough for Tigress to hear. She gets even. is seen in the background dragging a suitcase across the floor. Zeng: All packed, Master Po! Tigress: I hope you realize what an honor this is. Po: looks at Tigress with a raised eyebrow. You kidding? General Tsin is one of my idols! scene cuts to 2D-animation style. Tsin is shown standing on top of a cliff equipped with a helmet, armor, two swords, and a cape – all colored in golden yellow. He’s one of the most bodaciously awesome warriors in the history of China! is shown standing on a cliff while protecting a scared group of water buffalos from an army of crocodiles. Hero in the Battle of Shin Huan''! is shown using his bare hooves to pull out the front door of a fortress, allowing an army of water buffalos to go inside and attack.'' Deliverer of the Siege of Chou Lung! is shown casually walking away from an explosion. Destroyer of the Hun in that war where the Huns got destroyed! is shown looking at a map of China covered in red X’s. But with no enemies left to fight, he retired… shot of a tear about to leak out from his eye tragically… shot of him looking up, the tear is immediately evaporated before ever leaking dramatically! is shown in a desolate land, walking towards a distant light, eventually vanishing from the frame. Whereabouts unknown. scene returns to 3D-animation style. Until now! Excited By meeee! Po is about to leave, he immediately bumps into Master Shifu. Shifu: Po. The general is a major benefactor to the Jade Palace. We count on his support. Po: I know! I gotta make a good impression! Smug I gotta show him I’m General Tsin worthy. slightly looks up in determination. I gotta bring it. Mantis: chuckles and leaps onto the suitcase that Po is holding. How’re gonna do that? Tigress: Smug I recommend… not going. Mantis: Are you planning on giving him these friendship… pulls out two colorful rings from the suitcase bracelets? Po: No… Furious Five shake their heads in disapproval while Shifu sighs in disappointment. No! No no. Furious Five and Shifu maintain their skepticism. Heh, don’t worry. I’ll show him I’m worthy ‘cause I have a hero’s heart right here in my— rips the back of his pants as he bends over. He shows embarrassment as he covers the rip with his paws. Pants. holds the suitcase with his mouth, walks backwards to not give the others a chance to look at the rip, then quickly leaves. scene cuts to a mountain range, the tip of it partly covered in the green color of plant life. After a few seconds, it is learned that the image is actually a painting being carried by two goats and that Po is still in the Valley of Peace. Po: to himself Po’s Warrior Journal. Day One. Trudged through mud, scaled hills, forged mighty torrents. Bravely, I marched on with mighty steps! Then I got a Charley Horse. falls on his side, holding his left leg as it cramps. The scene cuts to him on the open field being transported by a goat. So I hired a rickshaw, ate cookies, and fell asleep. later, the scene cuts to him waking up, showing that a large distance was covered. In the end, I reach my goal! camera turns around to show a towering white brick fortress. The fortress of General Tsin! My destiny awaited… ominously… menacingly… fearful-fully! camera zooms out to show that the goat is still next to Po, who is snarling towards the fortress to look intimidating. Goat: Uh, can I go now? Po: Oh, right. pays the goat with coins. Heh heh. Sorry. leaves. Okay Po. Time to show this guy how tough and fearless you are. he approaches the closed door, he steps back in fear as Tsin suddenly appears from the side. Tsin: What?! Po: Gyaaah! suddenly gets caught by a snare trap. After the door opens, five armed water buffalo men come out to circle around him. If this is a bad time, I can come back later. Tsin: slowly walks towards Po. ''Stand down men. Let’s see what we bagged. '''Po:' General Tsin! Hi. This is embarrassing… and painful. Tsin: For the love of lychee nuts, what are you supposed to be?! Po: Sir, I’m the Dragon Warrior. Reporting for dinner… or whatever. Brunch is good too. Tsin: stares at Po for a few seconds. Cut him down! Po: falls to the ground in pain. Oough… thank you. Tsin: So, you’re the Dragon Warrior. Po: does a fist-palm salute. ''Yes sir. My friends call me Po… you can too. Hint hint. '''Tsin:' moves his face closer to Po’s. ''Stuff it shut, soldier. Stand up. ''stands up. Tsin then physically forces Po to follow the ensuing commands. Eyes front. Shoulders back. Suck in that gut! Suck it in, tubby. Suck. Suck. Suck! Po: as if his throat is closed. I’m sucking… I’m sucking! Tsin: You’re no warrior! You’re a soft, simpering, whiny little panda cub! Po: Ok uhh, that was a little hurtful. Tsin: Lances! walks back towards his fortress as the men point their weapons to Po. Po: Wait! No! I got a ticket! A golden ticket! It’s—it’s right… Uh. Eh. Ah. Somewhere? Heh heh heh… watches as Po easily defends himself from the men. He finds the invitation after the battle and grabs it as it floats in the air. Got it! excitedly runs to Tsin, showing him the invitation. Eh? Heh heh. gives him an angry look, to which Po responds with a scared look. Uh… Tsin: suddenly smiles and laughs. Ha ha ha! That’s the warrior spirit! Nice moves, son. Po: receives a playful hit on the arm from Tsin. Ough… smiles. Tsin: A little test there. Come on! Let’s get some chow. And then you’re gonna help me rid China of evil! Po: Yes! scene cuts to Po and Tsin sitting at a wooden dinner table in a spacious dark room, which has an open scroll drawing of a fully-clothed Tsin hanging on the wall. Tsin silently watches Po devour most of his food. Tsin: I tell ya, Dragon Warrior. China’s not what it used to be. Po: I know… it’s been so damp lately. resumes eating. Amazing dim sum by the way. Tsin: Look around. Evil is everywhere. Goats control the media. Even the food we eat is filled with toxic poison. mercilessly stabs the bun on his plate with a knife. Po stares in shock all the way from when he continues stabbing it to when he eventually eats it. Po: Is this another… uh… test? smiles in fear. He asked rather hopefully. appears unamused by his question. Unsure on what to do, Po imperfectly mimics Tsin’s stabbing and eating style. Tsin: Well done! You can see the toxins flying through the air, can’t ya? I remember this one time with Minister Chou Li. face appears to be frozen, causing Po to believe that he would unfreeze if he mimicked Tsin’s stabbing and eating style again. Well done! I like you, Dragon Warrior. Po: I like you too, General. Tsin: stands up from his seat. You got the spirit. You got the fire. You got the smell of burnt bamboo on a wet Saturday! playfully hits Po on the arm again. Po: Is that… good? of Tsin’s men barges in to his dining hall. Man: General! Hundun has been sighted on the property. Po: Worried Hundun the Rhino? Here? Tsin: It’s go time, soldier. pulls down a lever from one of the walls of the dining hall, revealing an assortment of both close-ranged and far-ranged weapons. Po: Amazed Wow. Sweet… closet. Tsin: I’ve collected rare weapons from all over the world. pulls out a wooden crossbow that has a red dragon head painted on the front. Like this one. ducks as Tsin shoots an arrow, exploding as it lands on a wooden dummy that has an image of Fung painted on it. I call it Mr. Kaboom. gives the crossbow to Po. Po: shakes with joy as he holds the crossbow. Can’t talk. So. Awesome. Tsin: places his hand on Po’s shoulder. You up for this, Dragon Warrior? Po: loads an arrow on the crossbow and pulls back the string. General, us rough tough warriors of the Jade Palace have a saying. mishandles the crossbow, causing it to fly in the air. At first, it bounces around his body, but eventually he catches it in his arms, which causes it to release the arrow. Po shows embarrassment while Tsin shows slight anger. The arrow creates a hole in the wall, causing one of Tsin’s men to look through the hole confusedly. Heh heh heh… grrr… scene cuts to the front door of the fortress opening. Tsin and a face-painted Po head out towards a bamboo forest with crossbows. As they continue, Tsin signals Po to go ahead of him. Po then hides behind a bamboo tree and attempts to signal Tsin to come closer with a bird call. Tsin silences Po with a fistful of leaves to the mouth. Tsin: Keep it down, Dragon Warrior. Stealth is everything. Po: Don’t worry, General. He’s mine! stands up and gets his crossbow stuck to a bamboo tree. He manages to get it out of the tree, but breaks it in the process. Umm, heh heh… sorry. I sorta broke your weapon there. Tsin: As a pure warrior, anything can be a weapon. proceeds to make a longbow and some arrows out of bamboo. Po: Nicely done, General. But you ever seen this one? proceeds to make nunchaku out of bamboo. Booyah! '' '''Tsin:' punches Po in the arm again as he plays with his nunchaku. ''Ha ha ha ha, attaboy! I knew you were right for this! ''stops the movement of the nunchaku with a hoof and then sniffs the air. I smell somethin’. Rhino musk. Po: Eww. Tsin: He’s close. Think you can take him? Po: Think? I don’t think! I just… mull things over a little bit and then uh… let’s bag us a rhino! Tsin: pats Po on the back. Go get him. Po: Keeyah! follows him. scene cuts to one of Tsin’s men looking for Hundun in the bamboo forest. After seeing nothing from the left and the right, he is suddenly grabbed from behind into a bamboo tree by Hundun. Hundun: holds his fist above the man’s head You. Where is the bakery? Man: cowers in fear with his eyes closed. He reopens his eyes when realizing what Hundun’s question was about. I—what? Hundun: The bakery! I received this coupon for free plum pie. holds a small rectangular piece of red paper in the air. I love plum pie like a circle of plum love greeting its rhino mouth in eating that I do! Man: I don’t know! is tossed to the side by Hundun shortly after. scene cuts back to Po and Tsin walking through the forest. Po: [He feels Tsin touch his shoulder.] What is it? sees Tsin giving a range of complex hand signals. Is it a story or a song title? How many words? Tsin: pulls Po towards him. ''The rhino’s coming, so hide. ''both hide in a bush, Hundun is immediately seen in the background walking around with the coupon. Hundun: Hey! I’m here to claim my free pie, which will be free and requiring no compensation. A pie! Po: What’s he talking about? Tsin: I lured him here with a fake coupon. Rhinos can’t resist pie! leaps behind a rock. Po: leaps behind the same rock. ''You lured him after he committed a crime? '''Tsin:' Crime? What crime? I lured him here so I could hunt him. walks to another bush and hides. Po: Confused Hunt him? Like, hunt him hunt him? walks to the same bush and hides. Tsin: Affirmative! Hunt him, for sport. takes aim at Hundun with his crossbow. That’s what I do. Po: Umm, is this another test? ‘Cause if Hundun hasn’t done anything wrong, then hunting him is… what’s the word… mmm… wrong?! Tsin: Is this your way of angling for the first shot at him? hands Po his crossbow. Go get him, Dragon Warrior. Po: But I—. Tsin: pushes Po closer to Hundun Go get him! feels impatient as Po hesitates to pull the trigger. Well? Go on. Go on! continues to hesitate, visibly shaking as he holds the weapon. of Act 1 Act 2 episode continues with Po still hesitating. Tsin: Come on panda! Now! Before he runs away all scared. Po: to himself. Test or not, I can not let this happen. unintentionally shoots the coupon off Hundun’s hoof. Hundun: looks back in surprise. Huh? sees Po’s head above the bushes. ''Po?! '''Tsin:' Ya spooked him. Po: I’ll get him, General! Wait here! runs towards Hundun with his nunchaku. Hundun: What are you doing here? Of course… pie. Did you get my pies?! and Po proceed to fight and talk at the same time. '' '''Po:' No, wait. Wait. Wait! Hundun! You gotta get out of here. This guy is after your hide, literally! Hundun: pushes down Po to the ground. Don’t try to bamboozle me with your soft-talking whisper empuzzlement. I want my plum pie, which is round and pie-like! Tsin: is seen spinning a bola in the background Get out, Po! Hundun: puts his fist against his hand while looking at Po. Pie robber! is brought to the ground as Po pulls down on his horn with the nunchaku. Po takes Hundun’s place as the bola target. Tsin: unsheathes his sword and runs towards Hundun. Way to wear him down, soldier! Come on, ya horn-plated bootlicker! goes to his battle stance while Hundun equips his sword-horn. They duel while Po is still trapped by the bola. Tsin is knocked back a bit as Hundun lands the first blow on him. Po: frees himself from the bola. Hundun, you gotta get out of— sees Tsin pulling out his spiked mace. Uh oh. You have to run! I’m trying to— is interrupted by a charging Hundun, who doesn’t realize he dodged Tsin’s attack. Seriously, you— sighs. The animation suddenly goes into slow-motion. He removes Hundun’s sword-horn and sends him flying and unconscious with two kicks. Tsin: Well I’ll be dipped in hot mustard. Ya did it, Dragon Warrior! slaps Po’s back. Po: Yeah, I guess I did. Great hunt. Bracing. begins to recover from unconsciousness. Tsin: pulls out his crossbow. He’s still kickin’. Po: lowers Tsin’s crossbow. Uhh, listen, uhh, this has been fun, really, but uh, heh, why don’t I take it from here? I’ll get Hundun to Chorh-Gom Prison for uh… trespassing. Tsin: Chorh-Gom? Nonsense! We’ll put him in with the others. Po: Oh. Well… well… others? scene cuts to the opening of the doors to Tsin’s trophy room. Tsin: I, uh, store ‘em here for safekeepin’. It’s the finest collection in China, by the way. Po: gasps and goes into his battle stance as he sees a paralyzed Scorpion in front of him. Scorpion?! then sees a paralyzed Temutai, cowering in fear as his pose. Temutai? a paralyzed Fung and Gahri, fighting against each other as their pose. Fung and Gary, uh, Gahri? What have you done to them? camera slowly moves to the right, showing the other villains in the series also paralyzed. Tsin: I used the powder of the Zhu Zhao plant and placed them in a deep sleep. They’re awake, but completely unable to move. How ‘bout that? Neat, huh? goes near Taotie and stares at his eyes. When they move for a moment, Po steps back and screams. '' '''Tsin:' Ya, I know. The eye thing is kinda creepy. Po: Oh… look at the hourglass. I… slowly walks backwards. ''really should be going and uh, let you get back to being crazy. ''Po is about to turn around and leave, he screams when Tsin suddenly appears next to him. Tsin: Dragon Warrior, I assure you I am completely sane. Now put this copper wok on your head. places a copper wok on Po’s head and then on his own head. It’ll keep out the wiglets skull crack fivatory. Po: Kay… Tsin: Prepare the specimen! red wooden cart comes in the trophy room. Hundun is seen trapped inside the cart’s soundproof glass. Tsin’s men move the cart to a pumping station. A pipe is inserted into a slot on the cart, releasing a purple gas. Hundun’s screams are unheard as he becomes paralyzed by the purple gas. Tsin gives a long, hearty laugh as his men take the paralyzed Hundun out of the cart and put him on display. Now he’s completely helpless. And he really pulls the room together, don’t he? casually throws the copper wok on his head to the ground. Po: looks at the paralyzed villains in silence, even when Tsin’s men leave and close the door. So, just to recap. You lure dangerous villains here to freeze them? For fun? slowly walks towards a weapon rack and grabs a spiked mace. Tsin: Soon, I’ll have all the evil in China locked away right here. Ha ha. and Tsin laugh together. Po tries to hit Tsin, but he puts his weapon down every time Tsin turns around to look at him. Ahh, it’s good to laugh. Po: Sorry, General. Po is about to strike, Tsin quickly reaches around Po’s back and counters him by tossing him aside. Po’s flight is stopped by Temutai’s paralyzed legs. Tsin: throws the spiked mace on the ground. Have you lost your tiny wits? Po: Sir, I’m sorry. I wanted to win your respect. But respectfully, you’re kinda bonkers! This is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! Tsin: looks down in sad contemplation. Ahh, I see. Thank you for opening my eyes. smiles. About you! quickly walks up to Po and pulls out his crossbow. You’re just like the rest of them. You’re a huge disappointment to me, boy! But on the upside, you’re going to look just great on my wall. gulps. of Act 2 Act 3 episode continues with a close-up shot of Tsin holding his crossbow. Tsin: You’re mine, Dragon Warrior. Po: General, don’t! I’m one of the good guys. Good! Tsin: Ha. That’s just what the voices in my head want me to believe! Po: responds with an angry growl, then quickly disarms him. Ha! Now who’s the hunter and who’s the hunted… huntee guy thing now? Tsin: squirts a clear liquid from his wrist at Po’s eyes. Pepper juice! Po: wails his arms around and rubs his eye in pain. Stingy! Ooh, oohoo, it burns! gets kicked in the chest by Tsin. When Po opens his eyes, they appear red. Tsin: Get up and run, boy. runs out of the fortress rubbing his eyes while Tsin slowly follows him. Po struggles through the bamboo forest. He trips on a rope and dodges the activated oscillating axe. He then runs off a cliff, but hangs on by grabbing on the ledge. Tsin catches up to him and stands over him as he hangs on to the ledge. Nowhere to run, panda. Po: intentionally lets go of the ledge. Impending pain. Impending pain! looks down, unable to see where Po landed. The scene cuts to Po panting as he walks around the land below the cliff. I made it… I’m alive. I gotta get back to the Jade Palace… I gotta get outta here. falls to the ground from exhaustion. He then sees a jade spirit of Hundun. Spirit Hundun: The selfish Dragon Warrior. Saving himself while others are left unsaved through his not saving them. Po: Hundun. I… I barely got out of there alive! Spirit Hundun: And the rest of us? Those that are currently innocent? You are no warrior. You are a selfish… whatever is the opposite of a warrior. That’s you. word “you” echoes as the spirit vanishes. Po: gives an annoyed grunt. Brain Trauma Hundun is right. I can’t leave those guys there! I gotta go back there and help them. scene cuts to Po sneaking back in Tsin’s fortress. As he opens the doors to the trophy room, two of Tsin’s men immediately charge towards him. He defeats them off-screen and closes the doors. Okay bad guys. For some weird reason, I’m here to save you. walks towards the pumping station and sees two balloons, one of which is yellow and the other is red. Tsin opens the doors and sees Po at the pumping station. Okay, it’s righty-tighty, lefty uhh… Tsin: Off-screen Loser. Po: No, it’s not loser. It’s lefty umm… turns around and gets surprised by Tsin walking up to him. Okay, loser. gets elbowed by Tsin into the cart. Tsin: locks Po in the cart. Got ya now! proceeds to put one of the pipes in the cart. Po: General, I came here because you were a hero. Tsin: We’re? Po: Yes. But were could be are if… if… if… Augh! You’re acting crazy, General! This isn’t the way of a hero! Tsin: You’re right. This is! releases the gas in the cart, now green-colored. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. How do you like that green gas? Wait, green gas? Po: I switched the hoses! pushes the roof of the cart, causing the green gas to spread to the paralyzed villains. Tsin: But that’ll wake ‘em up, you waste of dumpling! shots of each villain quickly regaining control of their bodies. All of them look angry towards Tsin. Hundun: points towards Tsin. You. You will pay for what you have done to us by paying us for what you have done. To us! villains grab a different weapon from the weapon rack and slowly walk towards Tsin. Tsin: closes the doors behind him and growls as he looks to his left and right. Fine! I ain’t runnin’. pulls out two long swords from his back. Do your worst, evil mongers! Aaaaaah! Temutai: Get him! villains charge towards Tsin. Tsin easily defeats the fighting villains one by one. Po: sees Fung hoarding Tsin’s weapons. Fung? gives Po a thumbs-up and quickly leaves. villains begin to attack Tsin together and eventually overwhelm him. They push him against the walls of the trophy room and then toss him to the cart, which causes it to break and allow Po to escape. Tsin: Defeated Is that all you got? I put freckle pucks like you in my… steamed custard pie. Hundun: Mmm… pie. villains yell as they charge towards Tsin, but Po stops them all with one kick. He then fights them for a short time before pointing Tsin’s crossbow at them. Po: Get away from the General! He’s a great leader, who’s just gotten a little nutty… okay, a lot nutty… okay, I’m talking about certifiably wacked-out loony— Tsin: I think they get the idea. Po: Right. Now, back off. All of you! I’m an expert at using this—wah! mishandles the crossbow and is sent flying backwards into the air by the recoil. The arrow creates a hole in the wall. Temutai: Thank you, Dragon Warrior. And goodbye! of the villains immediately escape by using the hole. Fung and Gahri are seen hoarding all of Tsin’s weapons. Hundun: looks back to Po. This is not over. Because it will continue! leaves. Tsin: Nice work, Dragon Warrior. Despite letting my life’s work run through a hole in the wall, we made quite a team. Except for you being totally evil and all. Po: And except for you being as crazy as a big bag of cuckoo. Tsin: Touche. So, what are you gonna do now? Freeze me like I did them? Hoist me with my own petard? Po: Don’t have a petard handy, but uh, I do have another idea. scene cuts to the entrance of Chorh-Gom Prison. Tsin: They can’t keep me in here forever, Po! is seen behind bars. You’ll see. China needs me. When I get out, I’ll build a huge boat from… noodles and… jam… and stuff. awkwardly laughs. Po: Kay… bye. Po is about to leave, he immediately bumps into Shifu by surprise. Shifu: Well I hope you’re proud, Po. You’ve imprisoned the Jade Palace’s biggest contributor. Po: True, things could be worse. Shifu: Well it was a little bit crazy to let loose the most dangerous criminals in China. Po: Me? Crazy? Shifu, I’m the sanest guy you’ll ever meet. puts a copper wok on his head. Now let’s go get ‘em! of Act 3 of Transcript Most Dangerous Po Most Dangerous Po Most Dangerous Po Most Dangerous Po